10 Oct. 2008
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I Hardly Even Know You!

Recently I was inspired* to buy a new pair of sneakers.  Unlike socks, which are almost free and which I purchased in abundance some time ago, my theory of sneakers is different.  Sneakers are expensive and last a long time.  Because I rarely wear them indoors, I typically get several years of use from each pair.  Because I am fashion-impaired and largely oblivious to appearance below the T-shirt level, my sneaker replacement algorithm is essentially this:

  • Occasionally (accidentally) step in a puddle of water

  • Evaluate whether the interior sock is wet

  • If so, get new sneakers before winter sets in.

I recognize that if everyone had the same lackadaisical attitude towards remaining shod that I do, the footwear merger frenzy that would result would make the current financial crisis appear about as significant as the rest of this blogitem.

The Rest of This Blogitem

This acquisition is the first pair of sneakers I have bought since I started this blog over two years ago.  When I attempted to put one on a foot, I was reminded of an irritation so trivial that I have never commented on it, despite my demonstrated tendency and ability to whine about the most stupid things imaginable.  (Of course I'd never admit that.)  The irritation?  Tissue in the toes.  What conceivable reason is there to wad up a piece of tissue paper (from a dead tree, via chemical and mechanical processing) and stuff it into the distal end of a sneaker, from which it must be removed with slight difficulty before use? 

The Four Wasted Wads - tissue paper in the sneakers

The Four Wasted Wads

Not the name of a sixties a cappella druggie rock group, but rather the tissue paper found stuffed in a pair of sneakers I recently purchased.  What is their purpose?  To prevent crushing?  Surely the sneakers are stronger than the paper!  For appearance?  No, they're invisible, and only noticed when one attempts to co-locate a foot. 

It's sheer waste.  As I've mentioned previously, I hate waste. 

And don't get me started on the sheet of paper used to separate the two sneakers!  Yes, I know there's a "left" and a "right" sneaker, but they're both made of ordinary matter.  If the left sneaker were antimatter, for example, it would be a good thing to keep them apart, but a flimsy sheet of paper wouldn't exactly be the thing to use.

*By "inspired" I actually mean "threatened."  Other people are more fashion-sensitive than I, and occasionally my logical algorithm is overridden by the need to avoid being physically damaged by the rare individual willing to be seen with me in public.

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(The Mitsubishi has been sold, and the buyer (from South Dakota!) has it safely home.)

NP:  "Anything" - The Wasted Wads The Vejtables

Richard Factor

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